13 May 2011

100 Things I Learned From My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic

(In no particular order)

1. Friendship is magic
2. Brushing apples isn't nearly as fun as brushing ponies
3. Rainbow Dash is living the dream
4. Ponies are sexually dimorphic: females have round faces and males have square faces
5. REAL men wear gowns (from a prostate commercial of all places!)
6. *twitch-a-twitch --> something BAD happens
7. You WILL love Fluttershy or you will regret it
8. Dragon eggs can't hatch without unicorn magic
9. What's with the tin can?
10. Stick a cupcake in your eye
11. Doughnuts are the equivalent of alcohol (at least for dragons)
12. Pegasi have cute little chicken wings
13. Celestia's hair blows about even in the absence of wind
14. Rarity doesn't know she's naked
15. Forest animals can't clean their own homes in spring, ponies have to do it for them
16. Bears like to go to the beach but no one can agree on what they do when they get there
17. Pinkie Pie is the only one in her family without drab colours
18. Doctors in Equestria do hip replacements
19. Hitler didn't like ponies
20. The population of Equestria is vegetarian, so the population of wild animals is kept in control through some other means
21. Ponies celebrate several as yet unidentified winter holidays
22. I watch it for the plot!

23. Celestia toys come in pink and sometimes blue but never white for some reason
24. You shouldn't hit books, you should read them
25. Gilda has to watch you like a hawk because she can't watch you like a griffon
26. Cheerilee was in fewer episodes than a lot of characters yet she still got her own toy at McDonalds
27. Believe it or not, Fluttershy was quite shy as a child
28. Rocks can't just be found in the ground like on Earth, they have to be farmed
29. Pinkie Pie never did get her sasparilla
30. Applejack has an accent even though she lives within walking distance of everyone else
31. Applejack loses her accent when she sings
32. Boots are worn on all four feet but slippers are only worn on the front two
33. Pinkie Pie barely teeters on the edge of sanity
34. Applejack is a terrible liar (Pinkie Pie can tell when she's lying but not anyone else)
35. Rainbow Dash can clear the skies over Ponyville in ten seconds flat and is the only known pony to create a sonic rainboom but she still can't escape Pinkie Pie
36. A single bathtub can contain all the water in Ponyville for seven hours without anyone finding out where the water has gone
37. Pinkie Pie's hair changes depending on her mood
38. Grown men and little girls have more in common than is socially acceptable to admit
39. If there was a contest for the best singer in Equestria Twilight Sparkle would win hands down
40. Whoever played the guitar for the Cutie Mark Crusaders should go pro
41. Pinkie Pie is not affected by gravity or distance
42. Scootaloo is the cutest
43. The groundskeeper at the Grand Galloping Gala doesn't have a cutie mark despite being very old. He must not have any special talent
44. Celestia and Luna DIDN'T lez out to create Twilight Sparkle after all
45. The Grand Galloping Gala blows and Celestia knew it yet she still invited Twilight Sparkle, her loyal student, to crush her dreams and call it a lesson
46. Celestia created a glaringly sub-optimal world where the inhabitants must literally change the seasons, possibly because she enjoys watching ponies toil miserably and attack each other every time the seasons have to be changed (at least until Twilight came along and took control of the situation)
47. Equestria has seasons and bird migration, so we can assume it has distinct hemispheres
48. Ponyville is in the northern hemisphere as birds migrate south for the winter
49. Seasons in Equestria happen in reverse of seasons on Earth

51. Losing a friend's trust is the fastest way to lose a friend forever!
52. Gold is used for money but jewels are eaten by dragons
53. The "Cupcakes" fanfic isn't nearly as gross or horrible as people make it out to be, although the author was trying way to hard to make it out to be, and the story doesn't make sense in light of Pinkie Pie's admission that all ponies are vegetarian.
54. Gummy has no teeth, and since alligators regrow lost teeth that means Gummy is either a mutant or Pinkie Pie is constantly pulling out all his teeth
55. FOREVER!!!!!
56. Cows are intelligent creatures that are none-the-less exploited for their milk
57. Rarity's fashion logo is actually pretty creepy
58. Fluttershy is a year older than Pinkie Pie
59. Fluttershy is off limits to pranks
60. And then I said "Oatmeal? Are you crazy?"
61. Though Fluttershy's stare can put even horrible monsters in their place the animals at the Grand Galloping Gala still run away from her
62. Either Granny Pie taught Pinkie to laugh at scary things after the sonic rainboom incident or she's very different from other members of her family
63. Canterlot has a back entrance (the front is a sheer cliff)
64. Prince Blueblood is said to be Princess Celestia's nephew, so he is either Princess Luna's son or Celestia has other siblings that were never introduced
65. If he is Luna's son that means he's over 1000 years old or was born sometime while she was trapped inside the moon and he was let out for some reason, and that ponies can have children of different species, somehow
66. Neither Celestia or Luna aged at all in the past 1000 years, yet Luna is noticably younger, meaning she must be younger by several tens of thousands or even millions of years
67. Assuming Celestia and Luna created Equestria together (since they "created harmony" together with their sun and moon raising), Celestia had to wait a long time before doing anything (according to # 66)
68. Since both sisters are different ages they couldn't have existed forever, so something or somepony must have brought them into existence
69. Celestia needs the Elements of Harmony to defeat her sister, so even though she's older she's the weaker of the two
70. It needs to be about 20% cooler
71. Twilight Sparkle never gets a turn
72. Pillow fights are fun!
73. FOREVER!!!!!
74. Spike is right handed
75. Pony language is written and read left to right and includes such symbols (letters?) as a horseshoe, star, unicorn head, clockwise spiral, and lightning bolt
76. Ponyville uses both the imperial and metric systems
77. Twilight Sparkle's balloon in the opening song appears nowhere else
78. All the ponies in this town are crazy!
79. Short tails are in this season
80. It was under "E"
81. Newborn dragons suck their tails even though the sucking reflex is a mammalian trait
82. Hot sauce bottles are poorly labeled
83. Many of the tools in Equestria are clearly designed for use by humanoid hands despite none of the inhabitants possessing such features
84. The Ponyville library, where Twilight Sparkle lives, surprisingly has few books yet all the furnishings one would find in a home; also, no one is ever seen going there to use the library as a library, only to visit Twilight
85. Pony names often match their personality/talent/cutie mark, meaning ponies are either named presciently or naming a pony has a deterministic effect on their future development (this brings up interesting consequences with such ponies as Granny Smith, who would be called "granny" even as a little filly!)
86. It wasn't nearly that cold at the top of the mountain after all
87. Equestria is sometimes a country
88. The Apple family either has a high percentage of twins or someone got lazy when drawing the crowd scene (the blue ponies with the yellow manes are triplets, two are wearing the same green scarf, and at least two other ponies have the exact same cutie mark!)
89. The Great and Powerful Trixie is a tragic pony who is homeless and had to live in a cart that she had to drag around herself, which is now destroyed, and even though she was just hiding behind a jerkass facade because she's sad and alone no one in Ponyville cut her any slack, except Twilight Sparkle, when she did nothing worse than Rainbow Dash (who has her friends to reign her in, Trixie has no one), and certainly nowhere near as bad as Gilda, yet Gilda got a Pinkie Pie party whereas Trixie only got derision and the obsequious fawning of mindless sycophants who got her into serious trouble through no fault of her own
90. Haters gonna hate
91. Pinkie Pie eats like a black hole
92. Princess Celestia may have created Equestria, but she doesn't know what parasprites are
93. The introduction of horses was actually the single greatest benefit to the lives of the Plains Indians
94. Fluttershy is literally afraid of her own shadow
95. Good Lord, Fluttershy repeats
96. If Rainbow Dash were a human she would be willing to do some freaky things
97. Pinkie Pie sometimes doesn't understand what she is doing or why she is doing it
98. It's a bad idea to encourage Sweetie Belle to sing, especially at bed time
99. Whatever you do, DO NOT FEED THE PARASPRITES!
100. Since there is no official Trixie figure I will have to carve, sand, paint, and sand again Twilight Sparkle to look like Trixie

Pinkie Pie inspired the most things on this list, 19, and Twilight Sparkle inspired the second most, 12.

Google/Blogger/whoever huffed and puffed and made this post disappear so I have to put it up again.


Anonymous said...

This is awesome. And too true. EXCEPT for one thing: Twilight's balloon DOES pop up, in Sonic Rainboom! And oh yeah, me too, I watch it for the plot :)

SenorDee said...

Yeah, I kind of thought so. I wasn't paying close attention so I didn't know if it was the same balloon or not. Maybe last week I noticed someone on another site said my list was full of errors so I went through it and noticed the balloon. Hardly "a TON of errors" but if this guy needs to be rude to feel good about himself at least he's being rude to me instead of someone who can't take it.

Thank you for the comment. Of the 2,250 people who've read the list you are the first to comment on it here.