24 July 2011

25 Things I've Learned from the movie "Paycheck"

In the same vein as 100 Things I've Learned from MLP, here's what I learned from watching the movie Paycheck, starring Ben Affleck. Now, it's not 100 things because I've only seen the last 15 minutes, but I think those were probably the choicest minutes.

1. Ben Affleck has ninja powers
2. When Ben Affleck hits someone they stay hit
3. When Ben Affleck hits someone they go flying
4. Ben Affleck can beat four guys armed with machine guns at the same time
5. Ben Affleck built the most advanced computer lab in the world with a miniature pond and smoke machines and palm trees
6. The World's Slowest Man
7. Ben Affleck's enemy is The World's Slowest Man
8. Ben Affleck hacked a computer using only a quarter
9. The World's Slowest Man walks in slow motion when everyone around him runs
10. Ben Affleck can see the future
11. Shooting a liquid nitrogen tank causes an explosion that can destroy a whole giant building
12. Ben Affleck destroyed an entire airport with two marbles
13. In Ben Affleck's world bullets explode in a shower of sparks whenever they hit anything except liquid nitrogen tanks, which they go through like tissue paper
14. In Ben Affleck's world when someone shoots themself in the foot they go flying and do a backflip
15. In Ben Affleck's world robot arms that build computers know Kung Fu and can beat up a whole lot of armed guards and give their weapons to Ben Affleck
16. Ben Affleck can lift two man-sized bags of dirt as if they were empty
17. Ben Affleck did a ninja move where he jumped feet first at a man's legs and knocked him through a window that was placed in the middle of a room for some reason
18. If you hit a bullet nothing will happen; if Ben Affleck hits a bullet it fires
19. He's Ben Affleck, you can't out act him!
20. You can't out act Ben Affleck
21. If Ben Affleck is in a movie you know he wins
22. Ben Affleck can MacGyver things
23. Ben Affleck has a line on his face
24. An explosion that destroys an entire building will just slowly cook The World's Slowest Man while incinerating the walls around him in a second so he suffers more because he's the villain
25. When someone is secretly getting Ben Affleck out of a secret building where everyone is looking for him and someone asks "is that Ben Affleck?" the person he's with just has to say "no, he didn't make it," and none of the twenty guys looking for him will recognize him and they will let him go even though he's not even wearing a disguise

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