28 December 2011

Timur's Body

Some people are so evil that not even death can stop them.


Fig. 1: Amir Timur statue, Uzbekistan

Timur was the son of some middle class dude in Transoxiana (modern day Uzbekistan, home of what used to be the Aral Sea, the Sogdian Rock, magnificent architecture, and Khiva, one of the last independent kingdoms of the 20th century to be battled over between the British and Russians in the Great Game. You also can't read the Bible, use the Internet, and prisoners are frequently tortured to death). He had ambitions. Unsatisfied with his prospects, Timur became a warrior and decided to conquer the Mongol empire like his hero Chingis Khan. To achieve this goal he invented a fake geneology linking him to the great Khan and married the Khan's granddaughter.

Timur then conquered the Persian Il-Khanate ("little" Khanate), and half of the Chagatai Khanate. He punished the Golden Horde for overstepping their boundaries as tributary state, permanantly destroying their economy. His greatest passtime during this period was abducting scholars and artists and transporting them to Samarkand, which they were to make into the most magnificent city in the world. He also liked to slaughter tens of thousands of people and make towers out of their heads for no other purpose than because it looked cool.

Timur's next venture was to prove that he is "not a man of blood" and that "God is my witness that in all my wars I have never been the aggressor, and that my enemies have always been the authors of their own calamity." He looked to the Quran for advice whether to slaughter every single person in India or every single person in China for being infidels and India turned out to be closer. He went there with his army and destroyed the Delhi Sultanate because they were the wrong kind of Muslims. He proceededt o ravage India, slaughtering more than a million people and making towers out of their heads. Every time his men would slaughter 20,000 Indians in a single afternoon he would throw a massive two day long feast so they could revel in their own crapulence.

Satisfied that it would take over a century for the subcontinent to repopulate he went West to slaughter the Ottomans for being the wrong kind of Muslim. In a bloody battle, Timur killed the Ottoman sultan and threw the empire into chaos. He also depopulated nearby Christian kingdoms for being infidels as well as other Muslim kingdoms for being the wrong kind of Muslims.


Fig. 2: Timur's Empire at the time of his death in 1405.

Something was still eating away at Timur. He was getting old and he hadn't slaughtered everyone in China yet, nor had he conquered the entire Mongol empire. He saddled up his army and went to China, but the weather was bad and he died. His body was placed in a lavish tomb in Samarkand with a curse: should anyone remove his body a fate more terrible will befall them than if Timur himself would ravish their country. Like the curse of King Tut, Timur's curse had real power to it. Unlike Tut's curse, which only claimed the lives around 20 people (and a dog and a bird), Timur's curse claimed the lives of millions.

Soviet archaeologists/tomb raiders broke into Timur's tomb in June 1941. Two days later Hitler broke the non-aggression pact with the Soviet Union, launching Operation Barbarosa, the largest single military campaign ever. Eastern Europe would be devastated, millions would die both soldiers and civilians, and the Nazis would take control of an additional 13% of the continent, creating the largest empire in European history. One million people would die in Leningrad, another million in Stalingrad, three million Soviet soldiers would die as Nazi prisoners, and millions of Slavs and other unwanted would be sent to die in the death camps.

Realising the gravity of the situation the Soviets reintered Timur's body in November 1942. A few days later they launched Operation Uranus, the decisive counteroffensive that would push the Nazis back from Stalingrad and pave the way for the fall of the Third Reich.

Some might scoff and say that it is merely coincidence that within days of Timur's tomb being disturbed the largest military operation ever was launched and laid waste to the Soviet Union. They will say it is mere coincidence that within days of his body being put back the tide of the war turned and the Soviets were able to gain an iron grip on Eastern Europe for the next half century. I ask, "what is the measure of coincidence?" In the scientific method you make an injunction, follow it through to collect data, and check it against the results of others who have done 1 and 2. Timur's curse is the same. There's an injunction: "remove my body and your country will be devastated." Performing the injunction leads to the data: what he said would happen happened. The experiment was done in reverse with the reverse results: Timur's body was put back and the enemies of the Soviet Union were devastated and the Soviet Union grew in power undreamed of previously. The only thing missing is step three, repeating the experiment, which is a very bad idea in this case as the intended result is millions of people dying.

What we're left with is a mystery. Timur's curse did exactly what it said it would when it said it would, which is strong evidence in its favour. Unfortunately morality prevents us from testing his curse again so we can't be 100% certain. Still, for what it's worth, it's made a believer out of me.

25 December 2011

A Tale of Two Cities

There are two towns named Bethlehem in the Holy Land.

Tradition places the site of Jesus' birth in Bethlehem near Jerusalem, which currently sits in the Palestinian territory. A journey here from Nazareth would have taken weeks; not the kind of trip for a woman about to give birth to take.

There is another town named Bethlehem right next to Nazareth, about two days journey to the Northwest. It is more likely that it was this Bethlehem, not the more famous one to the South, where Jesus was born.

This map was made in 2009 and shows some well known sites in the Holy Land.


23 December 2011

Staff's Top 10 Stories of 2011

As you'll know there are more posts tagged "2011" than anything else. This has been a very busy year with a lot of very important stories. Difficult though it may be to choose the top ten, here's what we at The Urban Mystic have decided upon. There is some overlap with what the readers chose yesterday.

1. The Economy, Stupid
Whether we're talking about the gargantuan matrix that is the US tax code, all 71,684 pages, admonisions from economist Niall Ferguson on the need to stop spending, S&P downgrading the US credit rating from AAA to AA+, or real unemployment being close to 20%, the economy has touched all of our lives. It has touched every piece of news in the past year and will be the salient issue in next year's presidential election. Surprisingly none of the readers thought so.

2. The World Gone Mad
It's not every day that a fictional story turns into reality. The so called "Arab Spring" that was warned about here and, again, by Niall Ferguson, turned the world upside down, decapitated several governments, and spilled over to Europe and America. Ranking number 4 on the popular list, this is one the readers definitely understood the significance of.

3. Sathya Sai Baba's Mahasamadhi
Baba's premature departure really hit hard. It was a troubling time for millions around the world.

4. The Israeli/Palestinian Issue
Whether it be the numerous outlines of the true history of Israel dating back to the stone age, or the original borders of the British mandate, or simply the fact that the Palestinians are unwilling to ever accept peace with Israel, this is one of the most important stories of all time, let alone of 2011. Draw a circle around Israel 300 miles across and you will not find a more free country. Instead you will find a policy of human rights violations, religious persecution, sex discrimination, and genocide. It is of paramount importance to defend Israel and their right to exist.

5. 7 Billion People and Demographic Collapse
2011 saw the birth of baby 7 billion and prompted actions correcting the myth of overpopulation. There are not too many people on the world. To the contrary, way too many people are being killed in sex-selective abortions, especially in China.

6. The Tenth Annaversary of 9/11
This year was not only a time to reflect on 9/11, the sacrifices made, the heroics displayed, it was also the time we tied up the loose ends and came full circle with the death of Osama bin Laden. For a decade he had been the boogie man lurking in the shadows of children's nightmares, then he was shot, unceramoniously dumped in the sea, and made top secret for no good reason. What the hell, the son of a bitch is dead, let's celebrate.

7. My Little Pony
Certainly one of the greatest things to happen to my life, and certainly the most popular post ever on The Urban Mystic. I think we've all learned more than 100 things from My Little Pony, including something about ADHD and depression and how to deal with affluence without becoming an ass.

8. Integral Politics
It spawned a legend. It spawned a sequel. It spawned a really long, confusing thing about history too. Whether you're left, right, or fall toward one of the other eight ends of the political spectrum, there's something here for you.

9. NASA Nixes Climate Change
NASA's 11 year study (2000-2011) definitively killed any notion of climate change by showing that the upper atmosphere has not only not warmed but it's hemorrhaging heat at an alarming rate. Any story from NASA that uses the term "alarmist" that many times in reference to the climate change proponents has got to turn heads. It's the greatest step forward in getting rid of this albatross since November 2009's Climategate scandal.

10. Forbidden Knowledge
Okay, which story has had the most contributers? Which story has created more posts than any other? Which story is the bane of The Urban Mystic? Here's a hint, "Google Bob Coutie + Nitinol". It's Bob Coutie's forbidden attacks on Uri Geller that led to the longest post in Urban Mystic History and love it or hate it a story can't have that big an effect and not make it to the list.

21 December 2011

Top 10 Stories of 2011

After some back of the envelope calculations based on the rough estimates Google or whoever provides for viewer numbers here are the top ten most viewed stories posted to The Urban Mystic in 2011. The staff's picks will go up tomorrow.

1. My Little Pony
With 2844 views 100 Things I Learned From My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic is by far the most popular post on The Urban Mystic ever. Nothing else even comes close, even adding several different posts together. Exactly 25% of all page views in Urban Mystic history come from just this one post. Not bad for something cobbled together before sleep last May.

2. Sathya Sai Baba's Mahasamadhi
Sai Baba's health took a turn for the worst in April and like all fully realised souls he chose not to heal himself, instead opting to depart the world ten years early. 466 views for three posts detailing Baba's condition take the second slot in the list.

3. Integral Politics
The most popular intellectual piece maxes out with 304 views. Written in January and attracting readers quickly the foray into integral politics spawned a video sequel in October that has proven to be nowhere near as popular as the original.

4. The World Gone Mad
What started out as a fictional story about a contagious madness that spread around the world in December 2010 quickly turned to reality with the eruption of the Near East in what would become known everywhere else as the Arab Spring. The original World Gone Mad was extended by three sequels (Addendum A, Redux, and Addendum B, the 200th post and the most popular in the series). The destruction of all stability and the possible beginnings of the end of the world come in fourth place with 178 views.

5. Sadhu Haridas
This one is a real surprise. A one off piece on Sadhu Haridas in April, an Indian ascetic who was buried alive for 40 days comes in a close fifth with 121 views. This goes to show that even seemingly obscure topics can turn out quite popular.

6. Bi-Winning
Charlie Sheen never loses. The closest he has ever come to losing is absolute victory, and his Adonis DNA has given him 89 views without even trying.

7. Ken Wilber's Ethics and Morals
Two videos about Ken talking on Ethics and Morality and how they relate to enlightenment together couldn't beat Charlie Sheen alone, but the herculean genius still managed to get 79 views and seventh place.

8. Alan Watts' God Complex
An hour long talk by Alan Watts on psychology, psychiatry, western thought, mysticism, and knowing you are God just barely lost out to Ken's two videos with 77 views.

9. Forbidden Videos
The name must have done it for this one. Though not forbidden and only a single video this trend from 2010 refuses to end. Bob Couttie's assault on Uri Geller prompted more posts than just about any single topic. Though only a promise to read a book this video was surprisingly popular, and with 65 views it is enough to get to ninth place on the list. By the way, the free PDF "Forbidden Knowledge: A Dissertation on Debunking, Parapsychology, and the Psychology of the Paranormal" is available and will eventually be turned into a video series, time permitting.

10. The Pussification of America
We are the 1%! That's right, America is the 1% of wealthiest people in human history, regardless of what the occupy pussies have to say. The most recent post to make it to the list, this one has gotten 59 views since October and shows no sign of slowing down.

18 December 2011

Kim Jong Ir Is Stone Dead

The supreme reader, dictator of arr North Korea (bad Korea) Kim Jong Ir is stone dead. Any time someone evir dies it's good for the worrd, even if there are worse, unforseen consequences, which may happen as his son takes command of one of the worrd's rargest armies. Wirr the war between the two Koreas heat up? Nearry 20 mirrion sordiers can be mobirised at the drop of a hat. This could very werr be the event that tips the barance of the worrd from mere chaos to totar war. We must pray coorer heads prevair. Untir then, we can cerebrate that the worrd's most ronery man is with us no ronger.

Author's Note:
No comments from liberal racists will be accepted that say this post is racist for making fun of one of the evilest people of the past half century. If anything they should be rejoicing the fact that now, maybe, the North Korean people may get some basic human rights and dignity.

17 December 2011

Christopher Hitchens In Memoriam

Christopher Hitchens has died 15 December 2011 from pneumonia at the age of 62. The famous outspoken atheist intellectual, author of many articles and the book God Is Not Great, was diagnosed with esophageal cancer last year. Many will remember him as the atheist who was not a liberal (though, as he said many times, he was not conservative either). He attacked Noam Chomsky and Gore Vidal for saying that US foreign policy created al Qaeda and that 9/11 was due punishment for American imperialism. He defended the atomic bombing of Japan at the end of the Second World War, and called out Hitler and Stalin as the two evilest people ever. While an outspoken atheist, Hitchens extended his gratitude toward those who prayed for him during his time of need.

Here is David Berlinski's eulogy.

16 December 2011

The Truth About Palestinian Refugees

"Israel's Deputy Minister of Foreign Affairs Danny Ayalon explains the historical facts relating to the issue of refugees in the Israeli Palestinian conflict."

The Arabs have used their own refugees as a political football, kicking them around, never permitting them to settle to perpetuate the illusion that Israel is evil. For six decades these unfortunate people have been denied education, habitation, and employment just to serve the twisted, antisemetic ends of corrupt rulers.

The UN is no better. While more money is spent on Palestinian refugees than all other refugees combined, they have seen no benefit from the UN's efforts.

Runs 5:30

15 December 2011

The Palestinians Are Fake or Why I Like Newt Gingrich

"1209 BC is the earliest recording of the name "Israel" as a place or group of people occupying a place. In contrast, the earliest recording of the name "Palestine" as a place comes from Herodotus' Histories, written 750 years later."

Last week Newt Gingrich ("Ingrinch" will be his joke name should he become president*, to join the ranks of Billy Boy, Capital Bush, and Zero) said in an interview with The Jewish Channel that the Palestinians are an "invented people." Gingrich, a student of history, is the first politician in living memory to have the balls to state the truth. Every single word in that one minute clip is historically accurate. There never were a Palestinian people. There never was a Palestinian state. Watch the clip below:

The British defeated the Ottoman Empire and as part of the peace treaty recieved the land that would become Israel, Jordan, and Iraq. This was a legitimate territorial acquisition as decided in 1923 by the Treaty of Lausanne. Prior to this time the area of greater Syria (the area in question) was ruled by the Ottoman Empire for five hundred years.

Prior to that the region was controlled by the Mamluks, Turkish slaves who revolted against their Egyptian rulers. Prior to that the Arab Caliphate conquered part of the Roman Empire. The Romans conquered the Jewish state of Judea around the turn of the calendar and kicked the Jews out of Jerusalem after the Bar Kokhba revolt in 136 AD, merging Judea with the province of Syria to create Syria-Palestine.

The Jews ran the place before the Romans came in, for about 100 years, after serving as clients under the Greeks who took over everything in 323 with Alexander the Great, who loved the Jews and was a great champion of Jewish culture. Alexander beat the Persians, who were in charge before. The Persians were also champions of the Jews, so much so that Cyrus the Great, who freed the Jews from Babylon, is the only Gentile/Goy to be named Messiah in the Bible.

The Babylonians/Chaldeans crushed the Jewish kingdom of Judah and ruled from 597 to 539 BC under Nebuchadnezzar II (not to be confused with Morpheus' ship, Nebuchadnezzar Mark III, No. 11). He's the one that made the famous Ishtar Gate, now in Berlin, which was one of the Seven Wonders of the World until the Colossus of Rhodes was built.

Judah was the southern kingdom, comprising two of the twelve tribes, Judah and Benjamin. The northern ten tribes were united as the kingdom of Israel. The two kingdoms used to be united, and also named Israel, but the northern tribes were wicked so the Assyrians conquered them and spread them out to the far corners of the world, thus creating the ten lost tribes. Some of those lost tribes may have been sent to Africa as DNA tests show, as well as Afghanistan, where Alexander (see above) encountered a small community of Jews living isolated from the world. The kingdom of Judah remained a client of the Assyrians.

The original, united, kingdom of Israel included territory on both sides of the Jordan river, comprising large parts of the modern states of Israel, Jordan, and Lebanon. Israel was established, probably, by Joshua. We can't know for certain. What we do know is that a stone inscription called the Merneptha Stele, located in the Cairo Museum (probably, if the Egyptian protesters didn't destroy it), carved probably in 1209 BC, mentions the kingdom of Israel as an independent entity that the Egyptians had their eye on. This document is the earliest recording of the name "Israel" as a place or group of people occupying a place. In contrast, the earliest recording of the name "Palestine" as a place comes from Herodotus' Histories, written 750 years later.

Before that the land was called Canaan. Major Canaanite cities such as Jericho and Hazor were destroyed in the 16th or 15th century BC, before the scholars place the Exodus, the so called "late" dating, which happened AFTER the Merneptha Stele records the existence of an established Israel. The conquest of Canaan couldn't have happened over night, and it couldn't have happened after Israel existed, so the late date of the Exodus is wrong. Can we place the Exodus around the time of the destruction of the Canaanite cities? Yes. The grain at the city of Jericho and other sites was burned along with the cities, not plundered, just as Joshua told his army to do. Any invading army would plunder the cities they sack, but Joshua told his men not to plunder the sites. The goods of the city belong to God, not the Israelites, so they have to burn, not plunder them. This is exactly what we find, and exactly what would be expected if Joshua destroyed the city, not some fictional people hundreds of years prior. The dates of the destruction of the cities is based on hard evidence, the dates of the Exodus is based on speculation from texts. Speculation is far from evidence. Speculation can be wrong, and the Exodus can be a 16th century event.

Before that? The Canaanites were some semi-nomadic pastoralist people living between the Egyptians and Hittites. They seem to have been there forever. Who were the Canaanites? No one knows. Abraham, the first Jew, came from Ur, near the Mesopotamian marshes, and died in Canaan. Canaan became his adopted home. His descendents lived in Canaan. The Canaanites and the descendents of Abraham comingled and became one, save for the difference of one group being monotheists. The Israelites were Canaanites when the Egyptians enslaved them. They returned to Canaan after the Exodus as it was their home. Why the destruction of Canaanite cities if they were kin? Probably to route out all the non-believers. It was a revolution, a civil war; one that the Israelites won.

What about the modern day Palestinians? Where do they fit in? Well, the British decieded to give the land of Israel to the Jews and the land of Jordan to the Arabs, but the Arabs want everything "from the river to the sea" and refuse to except their lot. Both the Jordanians and the Egyptians took "Palestinian" refugees after the 1967 Six-Day War. For decades the Jordanians and Egyptians did nothing. They didn't give the Palestinians their own state. When Israel gave back Jordanian and Egyptian land the Palestinians rushed back and demanded everything "from the river to the sea." The Egyptians and Jordanians bitched about how the Israelis won't give the Palestinians what they themselves would not give. The Arabs are hypocrites and liars. They hated the Jews since the Jews wouldn't accept Muhammad as a prophet. The Arabs took Syria-Palestine from the Romans and told the Jews to submit, but the Jews wouldn't. Jewish belief says that there have been no prophets since Malachi. They weren't about to accept that another prophet arose in the centuries since so the Arabs got pissed off and decided to hate the Jews forever.

There you have it, the history of the land of Israel going back to before the bronze age as well as the history of antisemitism. Newt Gingrich is the only candidate with balls enough to acknowledge this history, and that's why I support him.

*You don't get honoured with a joke name until you're elected.

06 December 2011

The Fear of Enlightenment

Alan Watts explains the fear of finding out you are already enlightened. What is the solution? The guru gives you work to do to wear down your barriers.
Runs 9:08

Death Comes Calling II

My new monitor just arrived: a Compaq FS7600e, which is square instead of rectangular like normal monitors. So far it's nice. It's a little bright because the bulb inside is new*, which I have to get used to again. The only problem so far is the smell. All new electronics have a smell, and this one has a particularly strong smell. It's a bit annoying but the "outgassing" as it is technically called will go away in two or three weeks. *And by "new" I think it was manufactured in 2006 and left in a warehouse because no one wanted it until now.

04 December 2011

Affluence And Apathy, or Why I Love Rarity


I can say with the utmost confidence that, while other ponies and all their special episodes may disappoint, without any question, there has never been nor will there likely ever be a disappointing episode focusing on Rarity. Consistently she remains top notch, above and beyond others in excellence and grace. She stands as a beacon overlooking all the pageantry, bizarre little oddities (Over A Barrel), and endless parades of Dash getting away with absolutely everything like some grand scale karma Houdini. Unlike all the others, who may at times descend into madness (or "go cupcakes"), Rarity manages to hold onto her poise and grace while always finding it in herself to give to her fullest ability to anypony in need.

One need no other example than Sisterhooves Social where she put aside all comfort for the sake of her sister, going so far as to disguise herself as Applejack and get as dirty as possible. She did it all gladly for Sweetie Belle, who was an obnoxious, selfish jackass (like all, or certainly most, little kids). She was able to maintain her grace even among the diamond dogs worst attempts at breaking her. She never lost her head, she never sank to their level, she just bit her lip, bore the discomfort of their imprisonment, and used her wits to extricate herself from captivity.

Time and again Rarity reveals to us that she is no one trick pony like so many others. AJ is still the rough and tumble farmer's daughter, Twi is still the anal nerd, Dash is still the asshole Mary Sue, Pinkie Pie still teeters on the brink of cupcakes, and Fluttershy still warns us to beware the quiet ones. Contrasted against the others Rarity has a depth of personality that is unrivaled by the rest of the mane six put together. She has beauty, brains, and heart, sense and style, cleverness, compassion, and propriety all rolled into one fabulous package. I dare say Rarity is everything anypony could ever want in a girl. She'll go on a quest to slay the dragon and look stunning doing it. She'll work herself to exhaustion for her friends. She'll put others before herself and bear the slings required of the peace keeper. She may go overboard at times, but everypony does and Rarity is certainly not above apologising for her wrongs.

It is for all that that I hold Rarity up as an example for us all, especially in these troubled times.

The problem of the world today is the disease of Affluenza, which isn't really a disease, but neither is ADHD or depression, even though drug companies make billions off of both, so why not add one more, and one that is so troubling to so many millions?

First permit me to clarify. I'm not saying that there are not people who actually have ADHD or depression, just that they are not diseases and cannot be cured (or treated, since nothing in psychiatry is ever cured) like diseases with drugs. The psychiatry disease angle is a scam.

Depression is a mental condition in which anger is repressed and turned inward toward one's self. It is overcome by introspecting to uproot the anger (best when done under the auspices of a qualified therapist), not by blocking dopamine or seratonin. Taking drugs to fix depression is like taking drugs to fix an amputated arm. The best course of action for dealing with depression is a combination of cognitive behaviour therapy and lots of physical exercise (one British study showed that walking more than 30 minutes a day was several times more effective than any available drug at fixing depression, and walking alone was more effective than walking while taking drugs, indicating that the drugs actually worsen the symptoms of depression!).

ADHD and all its various permutations (the more types of disorder the psychiatric community can create the more money they can make selling people drugs) are just names for being a boy and not having parents who do their job. The first undeniable truth about the universe everyone learns is that boys and girls are different. It has always been for hundreds of thousands of years that boys and girls think and learn differently, and within the larger categories of boys and girls are a whole spectrum of sub-types. None are wrong or defective or diseased, just different.

Unfortunately, the pussification of America threw that undeniable fact out and replaced it with the idea that everyone is the same and has to be taught the same and if anyone doesn't fit into that narrow mold they must be diseased. Since America was pussified and only girls have pussies, that means that girls are normal. If girls are normal then, by definition, boys must be defective. No longer do boys and girls think differently, needing different modes of learning and discipline. Nope, everyone must be taught the same and they must be taught like girls. Since boys don't learn like girls, since they want to run around and rough house and compete and follow rules and have winners and losers*, then boys must be defective. If boys are no longer allowed to win and lose, if they can't run and shout and mes around then of course they'll look for outlets to their masculinity where it is deemed inappropriate. They don't need drugs, they just need proper masculine discipline and training so they can grow up into proper men. They need parents who get off their fat asses and tell them to sit down and shut up when in public (behavioural training). They need to be told to follow rules begrudgingly and most of all they need a chance to rough house with one another outside and express their natural masculine violent proclivities.

Getting back to the topic at hand, or society is afflicted by the dreaded disease of Affluenza and it is Rarity who can show us the way to overcome this plague.

In the past century, more so the past 50 years, mores the past generation, and the past decade, Western society has become more affluent. We don't have to worry about working for our food, the government gives it to us and the grocery store is always fully stocked. We don't have to have twelve children because eight of them won't die from measles or whooping cough. We don't have to write letters or look for pay phones or wait to see our friends, they are always at hand. Our lives in the West have become so easy that we have become bored and must now look or excuses to complain about things. We have to work to find a reason to bitch and moan about how "unfair" our lives are. Our blessings are so many that we must focus on the few areas of our lives that contain lack for fear of being overwhelmed with gratitude. We are the 1% in all of human history, holding ore wealth and opulence than kings and emperors of years gone by could ever dream of. This is Affluenza.

The problem stems from two unhealthy byproducts of extreme affluence: narcissism and apathy. We literally throw away enough food to feed the entire world many times over. No one ever need go hungry, just kill the warlords and give the starving refugees the garbage we won't eat.

In Sweet and Elite we see Rarity, an affluent pony, stand in stark contrast with a rather uppity fellow from Canterlot, Jet Set, along with his wife Upper Crust. Jet Set and Upper Crust exemplify Affluenza. Against them is Rarity and her new friend (and mentor?) Fancy Pants, both of whom can keep their heads despite their success (though Fancy Pants plays coy to get Rarity to display her good nature, almost as a master would his apprentice). Fancy Pants urges Rarity on to defend her friends at the Canterlot Garden Party, however uncouth, or downright destructive, they may be. Jet Set and Upper Crust, stricken with Affluenza, are appalled at Rarity's display of her loyalty but they are quickly shot down by Fancy Pants coming to her aid.

Rarity exemplifies how to be good affluent. She shows us the way out of Affluenza, minus the occasional theatrics if we may be so inclined. I would advise all of you, myself included, and especially the occupy pussies, to look to Rarity as the inoculation against the dreaded disease of Affluenza. She just may be the one to save our world from self-destruction.

*My friends and I would play space marines and fight aliens with sticks and books, not like we were visiting neighbours, and we accepted the rules of the tames as rules, sucking it up when we lost even if we didn't like it. We didn't demand do overs to boost our self esteem. We ran around and made lots of noise and fell down and got hurt. We may have cried but we knew we were supposed to be men so we got over it.

03 December 2011

Unemployed And Not A Pot To Piss In

The new unemployment numbers are in, and, surprise surprise, Rush* was right again. The official unemployment numbers puts unemployment at 8.6%, down from 9% last month. Zero and his cronies were willing to do anything to get it below 8%, because no president has ever won reelection with 9% unemployment. They got it to 8.6% and the .6 is never read aloud by the media so now everyone thinks unemployment is 8% and Zero is electable again.

Unfortunately, it's all bullshit math.

125,000 (seasonal) jobs were added, as happens every year late November until January when they're laid off again. However, to get the numbers to drop 0.4% close to half a million jobs would need to be created. How to solve this quandry? Fudge the numbers. You see, the official unemployment rate is what is called U3. It tallies people who have been looking for jobs for four weeks. What it doesn't count is people who have been receiving unemployment benefits so long that they expire after the 99 weeks, or people who give up looking for jobs. This number is called U6 and it is the true number of people who don't have jobs. The additional thousands came from the 315,000 people who are no longer receiving benefits because they have stopped looking for work. This 315,000 who are no longer officially unemployed according to the U3 definition is added to the 125,000 temp jobs that were created to give a total of 440,000 jobs created by Zero for the past month. That is how the number went down to 8.6%.

The real unemployment stats, the U6, is closer to 17%, which is nowhere near as bad as African brutal military coup nations, but it is still extreme for a highly developed, post-industrial nation. Since Zero has taken the oaf of office he has destroyed over 2.5 million jobs. That's Zero alone, not counting the jobs lost under Capital Bush. Still, think about it: one out of every six able bodied Americans doesn't have a job. This should be unexceptable. We need to stop hemorrhaging money. We need to cut everything in government. We need to vote Zero out of office and put anyone in his place, whether it be Newt Ingrinch, that guy with the hair, or whoever. Anyone is better.

*Not THAT Rush.