06 May 2012

Ethan Frome In A Nutshell

Some complete moron, maybe mentally challenged, named Ethan Frome lives in a cabin he built with his bare hands with his wife who is very ugly. They eat pickles and doughnuts for every meal and nothing else yet they haven't died of malnutrition yet. They live in some place that snows all the time and is miles from the nearest human settlement. Some bloke visits the nearest town and asks about Ethan and they tell him nothing so he ambushes the guy and they get trapped in a cabin or something and Ethan reminisces about his crappy boring life. His wife is Xena Warrior Princess but she's played by someone other than Lucy Lawless because, like I said before, she's ugly and Lucy is not. Anyway, his sister or someone comes along for some reason (hell if I know) and he totally has the hots for her and they do it but it was left out of the book! The only good part was missing and it pisses me off. Nothing happens. Nothing happens. I think they're looking for some witch or something, I wasn't paying attention. Ethan and his sister try to steal away into the night because they're like the Scarlet Letter or something, and his sister goes nuts because society won't let them be together. They make a suicide pact and go on a sled ride to wack a tree and drop dead but they survive. Ethan is now a cripple or something and the hell if I know what happened to the chick society wouldn't let him score with. His wife is now an anchor around his neck because he's a cripple and she was useless from day one, but now he has to take care of her and his crippleness and he can't do it alone and we're supposed to cry like little girls or something because of that. The end.

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