31 May 2013

20 Things I Learned From Star Trek Nemesis

1. The Enterprise is only as powerful as it needs to be to defeat the bad guys
2. When a hole is blown in the Enterprise Captain Picard just sits there while several red shirts get sucked into space
3. Shields only block whatever it is convenient for them to block
4. The bad guy super ship with unlimited shields and weapons can resist all of the Enterprise's weapons but if the Enterprise rams it the super shields become useless and the Enterprise ploughs straight through the bad guy ship completely unharmed
5. It's boring because you know who will win
6. Bad guy super weapon is so slow it would take forever to kill someone with it
7. Bad guy super weapon is so slow there's no point having it
8. Bad guy super weapon that can destroy an infinite number of planets can blow up right next to the Enterprise, destroy the bad guy ship, and leave the Enterprise completely unharmed
9. Even though Picard is a terrible captain who makes suicidally bad decisions the show cheats so he will win
10. Paying any amount of money to see "Star Trek Nemesis" is a waste
11. Even illegally downloading "Star Trek Nemesis" is a waste
12. Bad guys can't aim and good guys can't miss
13. The bad guy in "Star Trek Nemesis" wanted to free his people from enslavement. He dies and his people remain enslaved by the evil empire and this is the good guys winning
14. The message of "Star Trek Nemesis" is that slavery is good under certain circumstances
15. The message of "Star Trek Nemesis" is that slavery is good if the people enslaved are the designated villains
16. The message of "Star Trek Nemesis" is that slavery is good if the people enslaved are people Picard doesn't like
17. "Star Trek Nemesis" was inappropriately aired on TV on the 150th anniversary of the Civil War
18. The only character who is allowed to die is the robot, who was never alive to begin with, and there is an identical unit with the same memories on stand by, so his death doesn't even matter
19. The new Star Trek is different from the original Star Trek
20. The new Star Trek lets the obviously bad people win

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