18 March 2014

A Big Steaming Pile

It's the most absurd thing ever, picking up after your dog. It's sick. I'm going to go walking down the street with a bag of shit waving back and forth, back and forth, stinking and bouncing against my thigh. It's disgusting. I want five minutes alone with whoever came up with that law. Why not just leave it in the street, where it will biodegrade in a couple days. That plastic bag, that's covered in shit, that can't be used for anything else, will last a million years. That bullshit law has just turned a week long problem into a problem that will far beyond the point where all our bones have turned to dust.

I can understand not letting the dog go on someone's lawn. This one prick, her dog pissed on my lawn while she was talking to me. She should thank God I wasn't armed at that moment or it would have been the last mistake she ever made. I don't want to mow my lawn and find a turd, I can understand that, but the street? What's the harm leaving it in the street?

Birds can shit wherever they want, and with those damn geese it's WORSE than human turds. They are a biological hazard and totally destroy whatever environment they invade. Squirrels can shit wherever they want, deer, bears, every animal can shit wherever it wants, but not dogs. What the fuck? What makes dog shit, specifically, so hazardous while geese shit is perfectly sanitary and nobody need pick it up? Whoever invented this law, I want to chop off his balls and choke him to death with them.

"Wastewater treatment system is NOT designed to filter dog waste!"
But it filters bird waste no problem? What's the difference? It filters EVERY kind of animal waste EXCEPT dogs? That's bullshit right there.

"Our natural ecosystem can handle 2 dogs per square mile."
Then where the fuck did dogs come from? I'm pretty sure there was a time when there were more than 2 wild dogs alive in the same square mile eating and mating, otherwise there wouldn't be any dogs around today.

"According to the EPA dog poop is as toxic to the environment as chemical and oil spills."
Bullshit. Don't be fucking stupid. A chemical spill in India killed thousands of people overnight. Never once has thousands of people died from a fucking dog turd.

WHY THE FUCK IS GEESE SHIT PERFECTLY SAFE BUT DOG SHIT IS THE WORST TOXIC HAZARD EVER?

What more, people BUY shit - they call it "Menwar" to make it sound fancy - to spread on their lawns to make it grow, but that's not DOG shit, that's special French shit that's so expensive it has to be clean and beautiful! All those chemical fertilizers and pesticides, no problem at all. That's certainly not going into the water supply. But a turd! A fucking turd! That's the worst thing evar!

Give me a fucking break.