27 September 2018

Skybound

Saw a movie called Skybound. It must have been made for negative dollars because there are two sets and one of them is a green screen and the other is a single room. Also no one can act. At all. At no time was I convinced that I was watching something other than people who have never even tried to act at all in their entire lives pretend to act like normies believe actors act while acting.

Basically some 25 year old high school kids are on a private plane with some 60 year old man, who's diabetic by the way, and absolutely no one else because plot. There are two guys who are brothers and you can tell because they dress alike. There's also the token black guy.

Something happens and New York (referred to as Chicago because plot) is on fire, or something? So is Kansas City, so they can't land the plane.

No one knows what is going on and there is no communication with the outside world. All the information they have is from 2 day old newspapers that were left on the plane because plot. This movie takes place at Christmas, by the way.

It turns out that the newspapers conveniently out the old man as the leader of a cult that used LSD to brainwash people into believing the world was ending. He's diabetic and the diversity hire flushed his insulin down the toilet believing it to be LSD that the old man was pumping into the air of the plane to convince everyone the world was ending because plot. The old man conveniently dies within minutes.

This movie takes place on a plane.

The one brother somehow knows how to pilot a plane because plot and he takes the plane down to the clouds in Colorado because the plane has just as much fuel as the plot demands it to have. One of those clouds is a mushroom cloud and ash gets into the plane. Did I mention they had to open the door while the plane was in the air to vent all the bad air they thought was full of LSD?

They dive beneath the clouds to find that Monument Valley, I shit you not, is on fire and bison are running around on fire while the ground is covered in pools of lava because I the most obvious target of a nuclear attack is the middle of nowhere.

They then go back up really high and girl's dad calls her on the plane, this movie takes place on a plane, by the way. He's the only person to have survived the end of the world and he lives in a mansion by a fireplace and he dresses like Hugh Hefner. He says that 11 nuclear missiles were fired from Russia and the only way to survive is to stay... "Skybound"! Where have I heard that before? The signal then cuts out, conveniently.

The brothers then realise they have Wikipedia on the plane and pull up an article about Hiroshima that tells them 2 important, and wrong, plot points: 1. modern nucular weapons are exactly 7 times more powerful than they were in 1945, and 2. radiation has unlimited omnidirectional range over land but very limited range over water, while showing a picture of the Castle Bravo fallout cloud that was very much over water.

Blondie then reveals she's good at maths and gets shit-faced and calculates that flying to Canada or Mexico is a death sentence because radiation has unlimited range over land, and they don't have enough fuel to reach Hawaii because plot.

They then decide to cut stuff out of the plane with a hatched they brought along because plot and dump it (and presumably the dead man's body, because we never see it again) into the sea. But that's still not enough to get them to Hawaii, because plot.

They're in an airplane, did I mention that?

One of the brothers goes outside the plane and uses the hatchet to, I shit you not, cut one of the engines off the plane so they are light enough to make it to Hawaii. He dies.

They almost make it in the middle of the night when the fuel runs out and they instantly drop straight down, because the wings of a plane don't generate lift and can't glide for several miles without power, and hits the sea.

Everyone then wake up completely dry on the beach and we see the Murican flag waving in the distance while someone on the radio, which no one brought with them but appears on the beach because plot, says that thousands of survivors have escaped to Canada, Mexico, and Hawaii, which are the only places safe from the radiation.

The end.

Here's the trailer, which contains the entire movie. Enjoy.

20 September 2018

The Predator is Literally About Weaponized Autism

The new movie The Predator rewrites the mythos of the predator species entirely, making them search the galaxy to literally weaponize autism so they can survive on Earth after global warming kills all the humans.

17 September 2018

Hitler's Religion

Hitler was not a Christian, as the naytheist community would like to portray him. Nor was he an atheist, as many Christians claim. Nor was he an occultist, though most high level Nazis were. No, Hitler believed in the God of Spinoza, who was a Jew.

16 September 2018

The Mist

The Mist is a movie made about a book written by Steven King, who likes to write stories with really stupid endings because art, or something. The Mist is one of the most unintentionally funny movies of all time. The entire thing is 120 minutes leading up to a single joke.

Here's the ten second synopsis: People are trapped inside a store when the town is engulfed in a mist that contains tentacle monsters/Japanese porn stars. One woman wants to leave the store to go find her kids, but this guy who looks like Sean Nelson without glasses refuses to go with her. He's the protagonist. Some woman with a bowl cut becomes a cult leader who demands human sacrifices because reasons. The guy kills the cult leader and feeds her to the monsters.

Then comes the ending, which is pure comedy gold. The guy escapes from the store with his son and three old people, they drive all day until the car runs out of gas. It looks like the mist goes on forever, so he kills his son and the old people and runs out of bullets. Two seconds later the entire US Army comes by and clears out the mist.

AND they come in from behind him, meaning the entire US Army was just yards behind the car the whole time as it drove through the mist.

To rub it in his face even more the woman who escaped the store at the beginning of the movie to find her kids is one of the survivors. She spent the entire movie out in the mist and nothing bad happened to her or her kids.

What's more the guy is seriously OVERACTING!!!!111

Here's the ending, in case you haven't seen it.

09 September 2018

Life/Time

Nothing serious today, just some minute musings.

I had an idea, the kind of idea that people have that seem good at first and then fall apart upon the slightest bit of reflection. Let us put it in the form of a story called "Life/Time", for marketing purposes.

There's this idea that time is money, and there's some truth to that. You trade time, your life, for money, so you can keep on living. Right now you have to trade time one second at a time to get money, so you trade now for money in the hope that you can save up enough to retire when you get too old to enjoy your freedom. But what if you could directly trade time for money? What if you could trade time off the back end for money now? What if you could trade the last years of your life for money so you could retire young and enjoy a shorter, happier life? What if time was exactly money and you could pay for stuff by trading away minutes and hours of your life?

It seems like a good idea on first reflection, but put it to any scrutiny and the whole thing betrays itself as nonsense. For one thing you would need to be able to actually trade time, to trade life. That would mean that there would need to be the technology to engineer life extension to such a degree that every death would be deliberate and one person could steal life off of other people. At the same time you would need to have someone else do the work that young people are not performing by trading away their older years. You would need to have every job totally automated and people would be paid to live.

You then realise that if that level of technology existed there would be no point in trading time for money because everyone would have everything they could need or want anyway. The whole system of trading time would be a mere contrivance to make keep the population in check.

You then realise that time is not money. You are not trading life for money, you are trading something else for money.

At least, you were, prior to the modern age when automation and globalisation really have eliminated many of the productive jobs. Companies are, by and large, paying people to perform meaningless work because the alternative, having the majority of the population unemployed and rioting in the streets, would mean the very end of the system that allowed those companies, and their owners, to rise to control the system in the first place. That is why there has been a proliferation of meaningless jobs, to keep people busy and happy enough that they don't overthrow the oligarchy.